Dear DeShaundra-
I love you. I really do. But at times I hate you so much my blood boils. You are so STUPID with your life, and I stick around to pick up the pieces. You combust, I'm there to put you back together. And it seems that whenever I need to combust, you have disappeared. Sure, you offer a wall to lean on for support at times... but when I really really need you, you are gone. And I hate you for that. And I hate you for the choices you have made and will make that will involve me. I also hate how insensitive you are at times. You know how much it bothers me to hear things about the guys you've been with, about the the things they do. I can't have that... please don't tease me. I honestly don't know what to do with you anymore. Things have gotten so much worse with you in the past couple of months, and I'm watching the train crash. I can't stop it Shaun... I can't. You need to pull the brake yourself and keep me out of it, or else it's going to kill me too.
-Love Jess.
Dear Eric-
I hate you with every fiber of my being. The very thought of you makes me gag, and the sight of you makes me have an anxiety attack. I will never get over what happened, and the sad thing is... I don't you even realize what did happen. You have absolutely no idea what you did to me that night. You have no clue the innocence, the child, that you kidnapped and killed. You ended my childhood with a single touch of your hand, and I will never ever forgive you for that. EVER. I wish you were dead, honestly. Because then you could never do that anyone else. And you have, Eric. I know you have done it someone else. I've heard stories from people that have absolutely no clue what you did to me. You are sick. Perverted. Nasty. I dread the fact that I will be going to the same school with you and probably in fact have to have a class with you. But maybe it will make me stronger. Maybe it will make stand up to my fears... and to you. I will tell you one of these days what you took from me. And I don't expect anything back. I don't expect anything at all. And thats the hard part... nothing good will come of me telling you, because you won't care. You won't understand. I HATE YOU.
-Jess
Dear Nate-
You are a pathetic excuse for a human being. An embarrasment to all mankind. I can't believe I allowed myself to become wrapped up in all your fantasies, and I am so glad I went on that trip to Ely that weeked so I was able to discover all that was wrong. You need serious help. You deserve to be locked up in some sort of mental institution in order to figure out what the hell is wrong with you, and I hope to god you get the help you need, because you can't go on living like this. I do not like you, but I do not like to see people crash and burn so miserably (unless they are Eric). I hate the fact that I devoted so much time to your lying needs. I wish I had those couple of months back, but I can't get them back. So I am moving on. Please leave me alone.
-Jess
Dear Teresa-
You have some serious issues. You are a sweet sweet girl, but you are heading in a direction that will lead you to a life of unhappiness. This is how you have been raised, this was the situation you were born into... but you can break out of the cycle! I hope you realize some day just how special you are and come out of that cycle. Leave everything that you knew behind and start new. Get your feet on the right sidewalk and just run with it. Just go. PS- Stop using me for stuff. I know you just want help, but I feel used.
-Jess
Dear myself-
Some days I see so much potential in you, and other days I just want to kill you. So much going on, and yet so little. You have no idea where you are going, and no clue where to even start. I wish you believed in yourself more. I wish you thought you were pretty, and I wish you were confident, but I also realize how hard that is to achieve. So hard. One day though. We'll work together and get there.
-Love Jess.
I can't handle today. I'm depressed. I'm lost. I feel so sad that I am alone and that I have nobody. Everything is out of my grasp. What will it take to get there? When will I get there? What is 'there'?
I am most depressed because I don't have a boyfriend. How ridiculous is that? I know I will get there one day... but the anticipation is killing me. I want it now. I don't want to wait. I want to be like normal people. I am 19 fucking years old. No boyfriend. No kiss. No dates. No confidence. I don't know what to do, how to act. All I can be is myself, and no one seems to see that as good. What do I have to do!?
This makes me SO depressed. SO DEPRESSED. And I feel silly about it. And all I want to do is lie in bed and think about how alone I am. I have no ambition to do anything because of this. All the time. And theres no amount of help I can recieve that will change the situation.
Am I destined to become that old spinster I always feared of becoming?
I can't even watch movies or listen to music because of this. Everything is about love relationships. And it just makes me yearn and ache.
I don't even have the ambition to be on the computer anymore...