I look through my old entries in this diary, and I can see how much I have changed over the course of 4 years in high school. I've become more grown up in a sense. Not that I have completely changed... I have just found better ways of expressing myself. Those old entries... they are so whiny and immature. Not that the ones I write now aren't whiny... but they don't sound so much like it.

4 years. Four years of high school, and I am now done. Officially. I recieved my diploma on Sunday. It was scary... there was such a huge build up to it, and once I had my hand on it and sat back down in my seat, it was like "Now what?". There was nothing. It was just over. Why is it so special? I don't understand it. I think it might be the events surrounding graduating, not the actual graduation part of it all. Who cares if you have a diploma... lets party!!

I only cried once. I was close to it many times, but I only cried once. When an old friend of mine was giving the speech at graduation. The things he was saying made me realize how much I would miss him and other people, and how scared I was for them. He, Brandon, is going off to the military. I believe he ships out on Sunday. I am scared for his life. He could die, and there would be no more Brandon. No more laughs from him, no more hugs... we would never see him again. And other people that are leaving too... two of my closest friends are going very far away... one to California, and one to Illinois. Knowing that I won't be able to see them everyday has made me very sad. What will I do without my friends?

True, I will go on to make new friends... but what about the ones I already have? I care so much for them, and I'm not sure they know exactly how much I do care for them. And I'm not sure I'll have the chance to tell them before they leave. I wish I had spent more time with them while they were here.

Life moves so quickly, and I'm a dweller. I dwell to long on things, and I shouldn't. I should just move on and stop worrying about things, enjoy everything as it is and don't even think about what other people think of me, because it's not important. It really isn't. I just need to be myself. It's really hard, but its what I need to do.

Soo... now what? What do I do with my life? What do I do with my summer? Where will I go, what will I do with my life? I sstill haven't a clue. But I'm sure I will figure it out. I'll get there...