Tonight has certainly been an interesting one. =)

Right before I was to leave to go to the church for the graduation concert for Concert Choir, I went to get dressed. I pulled out my newish good nylons, thinking everything would be fine. Started putting them on... small holes in the foot... I thought that'd be fine. I got them almost all the way on (a feat for a fat girl) and BAM! My fingernail ripped right through them... huge ass hole. I grabbed my crappy pair... should've been thrown away a long time ago, cause not only did they not fit but they also had holes in them. Sooo... begin panic attack. 10 minutes before I have to leave, and my mother runs to the store to buy me brand new nylons because I thought I couldn't wear my knee highs because they're really like mid-calf highs and people would be able to see them when I walked because my robe sucks. Like all of them do.

I was running around in circles in the house once I was ready, I hauled Max out to the car (I got to drive my aunt's mustang all day today!) and sped over to the church. We were supposed to test the mics at 6:30... never tested them. Didn't warm up. I was freaking out, not knowing what I was supposed to do. Max went over to Harris to find out what we were supposed to do, I was still freaking out and running in circles, and I ran over by Max as he was talking to Harris and he could plainly see I was just... going nuts. I told him I was having a panic attack, I didnt' know where anything was, where I was supposed to be, what I was doing. He told me to just calm down and breath (I was on the verge of tears... just about broke down then), and he told me the robes were in the sanctuary, each row of tables is a section, just find my robe and put it on, and that he'd tell Max where we were supposed to go. So... I got my robe on and everything, was still running in circles, hair became a giant frizzball, I kept losing Max. I eventually found him and got calmed down enough that I could breathe.

First in line, Mrs. Gold and Harris were still trying to calm me down even more, they were telling me I would do great and everything. I wasn't so sure. I got out there, looked at Max and he started playing. 2nd measure, and his fingers tripped... I was like "oh crap!"... He eventually got back on track, and I just concentrated on my breathing. Started out pretty strongly... I had a few tripped spots throughout the song... I felt I was out of tune sometimes... but I dunno. It could've just all been in my head. After that, I calmed down a lot. I kept wishing everybody luck, I was running around trying to find more people that had to line up to go on yet. Then my nerves kicked in again right before the concert. Normal stuff.

The concert was amazing. I think it sounded good. But I dunno... I don't know what it sounded like out in the audience, and I'll have to wait until I get the cd to find out what I think of it I suppose. Can't wait for it.

To sound selfish... part of me wishes I had been the one to give the speech. Someone that people haven't really heard from all year... in a sense of speaking out loud I mean. They have heard enough of me from Magnet. I know exactly what I would have said, too. Hmm.

I just about started crying after the concert. With Martha bawling and everyone else looking all teary eyed... I was getting choked up. But what really got me going (and seriously... I'm not lying.. I basically cried, it just didn't run down my face) was when I passed on my flower. I gave mine to Liz, the girl who stands next to me. I wished her lots of luck for next year and I told her I knew she would do just fine. She started crying and thanking me for giving her the flower and for helping her all year, and she said she doesn't know what she'll do without me next year. And she said she made a special thanks for me in her choir paper and told Harris that I have really been helping her so much this year. I was all like awwww.. haha. She's such a sweetie!!!

I can't believe how fast everything has gone by. It all seems too soon, doesn't it? It feels like just last week that I was putting on my snow pants to go play with all my fellow pre-schoolers in the snow at Trinity. Feels like just yesterday I was walking to Washington School in the morning with Jenny. We've all grown up way too fast.

I don't think I'm ready for this.

Tomorrow we graduate. We will walk across that stage and get our diplomas and will be done with high school. All schooling is optional from here on out. We are officially adults.

I'll make myself cry yet tonight. ;)