I wrote the column again for the issue of the Magnet that came out today. In italics is the complete article.

Hi. I'm Jessica, and I am fat. I am also unique and interesting. I change myself for no one but me, and I will try to never change my personality. I'm not saying I like every inch of me. It's just that I don't find the need to hurt myself so that others can start to take notice of me. It's just not my style.

But for many it is. I know in my first column I talked about how some people become hurt and turn on others. But in this issue in the feature we talked about hurting ourselves, which is a much more common problem than we like to think or admit.

I like to think that every single student in this school is valuable just as they are. Every single student is interesting in their own way. And you may sometimes not feel like you're all that special, but you are. Sometimes you may feel as though you are alone and no one can relate... but even in that feeling you are not alone. At this exact moment, at least one person is feeling the way you are feeling, and thinking the same thing you are thinking. In a world of so many people, how can someone not be? And in a world of so many, how can you be alone?

Life is not always enjoyable right now. But there are some moments where it can just be so beautiful. Next time the sun is setting, take a moment and stop and just look at it. Look at it's amazing colors, and remember.. someone else is looking at that same brilliant sunset too. Someone is sharing that moment with you, though they may not be standing next to you.

We are all unique. And you may not like yourse.lf now, but you will learn to. Just accept for now that this is how you are.

In my favorite movie, Labyrinth, the amazing David Bowie said "I move the stars for no one." So why shoudl you move your stars to please a group of people you aren't going to care about in fifteen years anyway?

You are living for you, no one else. Just concentrate on making yourself happy in a healthy way, and everything else will eventually fall into place. Don't hurt yourself in the process.

And always remember... someone out there likes you for who you are.

I'm not sure how much I like it. And in fact, earlier I hated it. I couldn't get past that first paragraph. And I wonder how many other people did.

When I was handing the Magnets out after school, a group of girls was reading it. They walked past me and loudly said (reading off of the paper) "Hi, I'm Jessica and I'm fat"... they then turned and looked me, continued to walk and then burst into laughter. It kind of hurt. A lot. And I didn't want it to, but it did.

It's fine when I am the one to say I am fat, because then I'm just poking fun at myself and it's all fun and games. But when other people say it, then I kind of feel bad. Because then it's real. Then I'm not poking fun at myself.

I'm such a hypocrite when it comes to my writing. I'm all like "Accept yourself for who you are, don't feel alone, blah bloody blah"... but I don't believe any of that stuff. I mean... I do believe it, but when it comes to my own self, I can't do it. It's a "Do as I say, not as I do" type of thing.

I'm just unhappy with myself. I'm unhappy with the way things are in my own life and in the world. I know where I want to go with my life, but I just can't get there. I know what I want to be and what I want to look like, but I just can't get there.
And I often feel alone and as though no one hears me or cares... but I know I'm not alone. I know that. But I can't help but feel it at times.

There are honestly days where I am so self-conscious about my weight and how I look that I don't even concentrate on my school work. Instead, I sit and look around the room counting the number of people that have some of my same visible flaws. Clothes that are wrong for them, glasses, extra weight, scars, frizzy hair... anything so that I can feel like someone else knows what I feel like. And I just feel like I can't find anything somedays. And it's hard to keep living like that... it's not fair to myself or others.

Sometimes I wonder if I ever truly will be happy. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find what it is that I need to be happy. Is what I need attainable? Does what I need exist? When will I find what I need? When will I know? Will it be on backorder?

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Someone just wrote a comment to me on my LJ about my column. And I just want to put it in here, because it made me cry. It was quite touching. And it made me feel so good. Especially the last sentence.

I can't believe that someone would make fun of that.
I found your article to be Xtremely courageous and well written. It was an article that kept me interested because it can realte to anyone...maybe it's not a weight issue, but maybe you think your hair is too frizzy , or maybe you think you don't dress well, or that you don't have enough money...it just makes me angry that someone would laugh at you about that. Who are they to say what's perfect?
As for those girls, no one is perfect. I like to use the banana analogy. So, let's say you get a brand new bunch of bananas. They're all like bright yellow...some look so yellow that they're green. They look good. You take one of those bananas, open it, and take a bite out of it...and it tastes like grass. And not just grass but poison grass. So you let the bananas sit for awhile. By now they have a few brown spots on them but you take a bite out of one and it's the perfect banana. And as for the very few that are yellow and taste good...they're just plain lucky.
Now that analogy should either make complete sense, or completely confuse you, thus leading you to the conclusion that I am insane.
Either way, my point is that everyone goes through the same thing. The only problem we have is that society puts an awful spin on how people percieve others. My suggestion is to not care about what they say. And I know it's probably super hard. But I bet they can't write as well as you...or take pictures as well as you, or sing as well as you. You're a much better person than to worry about what others think of how you look.
Now you're probably thinking, 'Who is this person and why is this comment so insanely long?'
To answer that, I'm Heather. And I write to you because I find you to be inspiring.

I'm inspiring to someone. It makes me feel like I have importance on this earth. To inspire someone.

wow. :)