I just got home from work, and found a letter waiting for me from St. Olaf.

It said that my application for the music scholarships and to become a music major has been rejected.

I haven't told anyone in my family yet. I came down here right away, sat in front of the computer and started to cry. I'm not sure I want to tell them right now. I don't want to deal with sympathy. I knew it was gonna happen. I don't know why I keep setting myself up for disappointment by telling myself theres a possibility.

It's not that big of a deal I guess. There are bigger issues in the world. But this was something I've wanted so bad and for so long. I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling besides that it just hurts. I ache inside now. Have you ever felt that way?

Now I just have to wait for my letter of rejection to the actual school, and then I'll start to deal with moving on from it. For now, I'm just too depressed. Good thing it's a weekend.