I found out why my eyes were so freakishly red! I had a really bad reaction the eyedrops that the doctor gave me. Sooo... it means a couple extra days with my glasses on while waiting for my eyes to finish clearing up with this new ointment crap I need to put in them (it's all thick and it's sticky and kind of greasy and it just feels weird putting it on). I'm starting to grow tired of my glasses. It's especially hard to play badminton with them on... and now with it getting super cold outside, they fog up much easier. gah. Now I remember why I got contacts in the first place. haha.

Soo... I'm really starting to feel like I'm 18 sometimes. It's an odd feeling. It's really too much responsibility for me I think. I'm just not ready for it! Having to sign for all these things and mom is pushing me to do a whole bunch of crap around the house because "I'm 18 and I'll be moving out soon" and all that kind of crap.

I did have an interesting dream the other night though. All I remember about it right now is that it involved several dildos, and I had to pick which one I wanted. What in the world does that mean? haha.

I wonder if we have a sex shop in town, or anywhere nearby. It's kind of weird. I feel weird talking about... but I kind of want to get a vibrator. I'm 18... I can do that now. I just don't think it'd be a good idea to get it while I'm living with my parents though. haha. Thoughhhh... naw. haha.

I shouldn't be embarrased to talk about that stuff. People talk about it all the time. It's a normal part of life. Hi. I'm Jessica. I like to matserbate and it feels good. I'm not looking to have actual sex anytime soon... but for now, this will do.

I used to have a little flashlight that someone gave me for like my 15th birthday or something. It was really ugly. Had a little cat inside of it floating around in glittery water in it. It was about 2 inches long and looked like a dildo. Didn't really work all that well for me because it was really a keychain, and it hurt. haha.

Gah... ok. Enough of this talk. Maybe later... :) It's too early for me I think. :)

I have so many things I want to get working on, but here I am procrastinating again. I need to change the litter box, I need to do gobs of homework for economics that I haven't been doing since the quarter started, I need to up my utopian lit grade in the next week and a half, which I highly doubt is going to happen. An F is not going to look good on my college apps... but maybe the rest of my grades will? I mean... I did get 3 A's as well last quarter, though those don't show up on my trasncript. Maybe I should talk to my counselor and see what I should do about that. St. Olaf will not take a student that has gotten an F!

I'm going to apply to MSU and Musictech too, online. Maybe. I'm not sure if I want to go to Musictech. I could just stay home and go to riverland. Oh, what fun that would be. I think I would definently have to get my own apartment though. And find a different job. I found an ad in the paper the other day saying that they were hiring photographers. I was going to talk to Marsch (my newspaper teacher) if maybe it would be a good thing for me to do, and show him some of my work, but when I stopped in to talk to him he was busy, and then when class started we were going crazy with the stories that are coming up, because we have paste up this saturday, and we have absolutely nothing. It sucks. And I work this saturday too... almost 7 hours. I'll be at the school by 8:00am, and I work until 11:00pm.... that will be a super long day for me. I don't know if I work on sunday or not yet. I could find out today if I really wanted.

I hate having to work... I really do. I want to find a job I can enjoy, and that is a lot more loose with it's hours. Something freelance... selling paintings, pictures. Something that wouldn't take up a whole lot of my time.

The future is going to suck forme. I just can't handle having a schedule. It's too restrictive. I want to be able to have time to just... go driving somewhere on a whim. To plan things without any thought about "oh, I have to work"... because WORK sucks. A lot.

My grandpa says that if work was fun, they wouldn't have called it work. :) Oh... I love my grandfather. Such a business man. But I am just not one of those people who can just... work all the time. I work hard, but I don't get any satisfaction from it.

I should probably get started on those things I wanted to do....

oh! I almost forgot! I made a new diary for my pictures, a la galaxyrabbit style. This way will be a lot easier for me instead of having to edit the same page all the time. It's at photo-me.diaryland.com. I don't have anything in there yet because I want to find a better server for my pictures... but it looks really nice, and has a good info page. :) I changed the picture that it originally had, but I kept the original credits.

GAH! I just sneezed 9 times in a row. Gotta find something to clean up the monitor... haha.