I didn't make it. I'm not in carolers.

I wasn't sure how the audition went. I was so nervous I was shaking like a palm tree in a hurricane, and I almost wet myself. I didn't want to make any assumptions, because I knew I'd be setting myself up for disappointment. Oh, how right I was.

Goddamnit... I wanted this so bad. It's something I've wanted to do since I was so little... and now it's out of my reach forever. I'll never have a chance to do this again. It hurts so bad inside... I just feel this constant ache in my chest right now because I wanted it so bad and it didn't happen.

I feel like such a failure.

That's right. A failure. An absolute and complete failure.