I am just terribly sad.

Mom has been trying to get a hold of my shrink so that I can go in and get a meds change, because mom says it's just too hard to see me this way, but she can't seem to get a hold of her, and even after leaving numerous messages, the shrink still hasn't called her back.

It's a sad world when a shrink doesn't even care anymore.

Can't wear my contacts until saturday. I ended up with a major scratch across my eye... like huge. The doctor was like, really really worried about it. But when I do get to wear contacts again, I have new ones to correct the astigmatism. Thats a good thing.

Heres 6 words for you: I didn't get into the play. To add 2 more (and an extra explaining comment at the end): Fuck Eithreim (the director).

I want to cry. But my eye hurts.

I just want to die now and get it over with. What's waiting for me out there besides a whole bunch of pain? I'm just gonna feel like this for the rest of my life. I'm never gonna get out of this rut of people kicking me when I'm down.

It all piles on at once.

If I didn't have important deadlines, I would say that I would skip school tomorrow for the first time in my life, and just... spend the day laying in the sun or something. Try to make myself feel better. Is that even possible? To make myself feel better?

What would happen if I was just... gone tomorrow? No longer here? Would people at school notice or care? I know my parents would care... but they certainly don't act like it sometimes.

I wish I could surround myself with people that make me happy all the time. Like Jes... though I've never actually met her she makes me happy. Sheila and Brent... they make me so incredibly happy that I feel on top of the world.

I was thinking earlier today about asking Brent to homecoming... I should just do it. What is there to worry about? He'll either say no or yes.

I think if he does say yes, I'd be a little bit happier.

Screw life. I hate it. Too complicated.