I wonder if I'll actually ask Brent to prom. I really want to ask him to homecoming, but I don't think I'll be able to. I honestly don't think he'll go with me anyways. He'll probably make up some crap story about having to do homework or needing to work or something. Maybe his own school's prom is on the same day. I kind of don't want to go, but I know if I don't I'll regret it.

Why am I unable to have a boyfriend? Why don't guys like me? I just want to ask a guy and find out exactly why... but who could I ask that I wouldn't feel stupid asking, and who I know would give me the full truth? I wish I could trust guys more. It's like I'm just scared by all of them. I'm scared abotu a lot of things. I wish I wasn't. I wish I didn't feel like this. Csuse when I feel like this, I feel the need to write about it to get it all out, and I hate reading it later because it all sounds pathetic.

Do other people feel this way? I'm sure they do... I'm not the only unhappy person in the world. I mean... my life is heaven compared to some other people. But it just doesn't feel that way sometimes.

I wonder if any guy has ever had a crush on me. It would be nice to know that I'm not completely disgusting. I just feel so disgusting sometimes. I wish I could always feel happy and clean and beautiful. To feel beautiful is the best feeling in the world.

I don't know why I'm worrying about prom already... prom isn't until May, at least. Months and months away. But I dunno... I'm always worrying about something, and I want to stop. Why worry about something that may never happen? I don't know if I'll live past the next 5 minutes! I should just be living in the now, living every minute to it's fullest. But no... instead I'm sitting on my ass, worrying that I'm the most disgusting person in the world because I feel like the ugliest and stupidest and most disgusting person in my grade.

I want to stop feeling this way. I hate it. I hate it, hate it, hate it. Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be happy?

Fuck... I'm just getting repetitive.

I am pathetic.