Something happened during lunch today that scared me shitless. It involves Eric...

I was in line to get my food, and I was doing just fine... looking around the lunch room at people enjoying themselves, half listening to the gossip around the tables, when all of a sudden I see Eric enter the lunch room, looking straight at me and then he starts heading towards me. I felt the fear hit me... I got really stuff, my breathing quickened... I was just sort of panicking. It usually isn't that bad when I see him, but something was different today. Well, anyways... he joined the line I was in, and stood right behind me, very close. I couldn't wait for the line to move so I coud get away from him. While I was getting my food, he kept getting close and closer, until finally he was up against me... just standing there, pressing against me. I could feel every breath. God... I feel so disgusting and gross right now. He was touching me! And it wasn't by accident.. I just know it wasn't, because there was no one else behind him that could've possibly pushed him forward.

I saw it in my mind... I saw him raping me. I saw him holding my hands above my head and saw him putting his hand over my mouth so nobody could hear me scream. And I was crying so hard... just like I want to do right now. I can feel myself crying on the inside, but I just can't let my eyes do it for some reason.

I feel like I'm overreacting... but another part of me knows I'm not. But then again... I just don't know. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to tell anyone only to have them cast it out as no big deal. I don't want to see what I saw again... that vision. It's too scary.

I want to get away from the whole Eric thing... I'm sick of letting him get to me.

That was just one of the scary things that happened to me today. I also had an interview after school for Cash-wise video... I was freaking out before hand. I was so nervous... I had all these questions prepared and everything.. my mind was still reeling from the Eric thing today, so they weren't the best questions, but still.... Umm.. my interview was at 3:30, and I got there just in time. I went up to the office, and got the whole thing underway. The lady, Stephanie, said that she knew I was applying for the video department, but she's really in need of cashiers in the main grocery store. She asked me if I'd be interested... and though I really didn't want to, I know that my mom realy really wants me to get a job, so I said sure. So she said great... and I did the math test thingy that they have everyone there do, and then fille dout some forms, and then she gave me these training manual thingys, told me when orientation was and when training was, and I was all set too go. She's a really nice lady... I think I'll enjoy working for her. I'm scared about working there because of my anxiety problems.. I know they get really busy... but maybe I'll get over it. At least it's a job, and I can pay my parents for insurance!

I should be extremely happy right now... but Eric is just taking over my mind... I hate that! Maybe I should call Shaun and talk to her about it... as much as I don't want to talk to Shaun, I just feel she'll understand a lot better, and will call him an asshole and will taunt him with me. haha... I'm gonna go do that.. call Shaun. Maybe for once she'll actually pay attention to me...