So Shaun called me up last night and wanted to hang out. It was weird.... I really didn't want to go, yet the words "Sure, come pick me up!" came out of my mouth. I mean, she doesn't talk to me for 2 months, never calls me up... and then out of the blue she calls and wants to hang out! Am I just a friend to go to when theres no one else to hang out with?

She came and picked me up at about quarter to 10, and we went driving around. I wasn't really in a mood to talk to her... I just sat there and let her talk, looking out the window at what was going by. Apparently a lot of things have been happening...

Like with Jeremiah... this guy she works with. First off... let me tell you that he's a creepy guy. I just don't feel right about him... I mean, he's nice and everything. But its the things he has and how he acts. He's older than us... just a couple of years. And he's very innocent... like, sheltered kind of. Doesn't know a lot of things. But apparently, he has a very good stash of porn in his room according to Shaun. haha. Anyways... letting you ponder on that, I'll move on. She goes over to his house a lot and spends the nite (nothing going on that I know of), except she told me that last night they kind of did some stuff. She just left it at that, and it took me 2 hours before I got anything out of her about what kind of stuff it was. We talked about a lot of things in that time.. kinda. She just kept going on about different guys she meets at the college (she's post secondary...), and about how horny she is. It was awkward... but in sense it nice being able to talk about those kinds of things openly. It was a bit too much information when she kept saying how horny she was... haha... but, talking about guys is what was nice I meant.

Eventually, I can't remember what time it was, she pulled into the beach parking lot. Completely empty... we were just looking out onto the water by ourselves. It was the most comfortable I had ever been. And finally she told me what had happened last night at Jeremiah's. Apparently, they shared a first kiss. And, whats more... hey were high when it happened. She tried weed for the first time. I was a bit shocked... my "best friend" tried weed? It's weird, you know... like I see her kind of differently now. I saw what weed did to my brother, and I don't wish that upon anyone else. At first she said she hated it, that it sucked. And then I sat there for a minute quiet and she turns to me and she goes "I lied. It was good.... really good. And it was fun."... I don't know what to think about it. All I could do was say "Oh." and just... think. She's really changed in the past couple of months. She's not like she used to be... she used to be fun, and easy to talk to and everything. But now it's like I don't even know her. She has a completely different life, and she's now getting involved in stuff that I dont' think I'll ever do. ok... I will never do drugs... and I'm not lieing about that. I will never even experiment with it... because of like I said before. My brother. I saw what it did, and how quickly he became addicted and how horrible everything became. And I have a choice in wether that happens to me or not... so I'm taking the right choice, and choosing not to do it.

I wish people wouldn't change sometimes. I wish me and Shaun had a friendship like we did back from 6th to 8th grade. We were so close then... we could talk about anything, and even finish eachothers sentences. Now we talk about different things... but we don't have that connection anymore. I don't have a clue whats going on with her, whats going on in her life. And I really think it's because of those 2 years we lost when we weren't friends anymore. She had a made a choice then to make it that way. I don't think I've ever mentioned it in this diary... but back in the 9th grade, she had a new group of friends, and that group of friends told her that she had to choose either them or me, and she chose them. I think that was because it was a larger number of people, instead of just one. She's always been one who needs to surround herself with people. I didn't talk to her again until the end of last year. There were so many memories from when we were younger... but I don't think we'll ever be able to fully piece them back together. To put everything back to what it was before... and maybe it's for the better. I just need to move on... get some new friends. Actually hang out with people. I don't do that... I don't really have anyone to hang out with. I'm afraid I don't have any real friends... I have aquaintences (wrong spelling I'm sure... how do you spell that?)... people I talk to now and then at school. But no one I could really consider a friend. Except maybe Grace and Michael... but I don't see them outside of school. I wish I did...

I can't explain the Shaun situation well today. I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully explain it... it's a complicated relationship. All I can tell you right now is that all I can think about is her, and how much she has changed and how she's not even the same person anymore. I don't know who she is, and that worries me. I just need to think on it longer...